It's Okay... Even When You Don't Feel Like Yourself
This has been one of the hardest lessons for me in perimenopause.
When you've spent most of your life being the one who does ALL the things, takes care of everyone, remembers everything, and somehow keeps all the plates spinning...
Suddenly not being able to do that anymore is HARD.
And I don't think I was prepared for how much that would affect me emotionally.
It's okay to make mistakes.
Well, perimenopause has certainly given me plenty of opportunities to practice this one. 😂
Some days I feel like I'm functioning with approximately half of my brain.
I'll walk into a room and have absolutely no idea why I'm there.
I'll forget something I've done a thousand times.
I'll lose my train of thought halfway through a sentence.
I'll need a to-do list to remind me to look at my other to-do list.
For someone who has always prided herself on being organized, capable, and able to juggle approximately 23 things at once...
That's incredibly frustrating.
It's okay to have bad days.
This one is harder.
Because sometimes it feels like the bad days far outnumber the good ones.
There are days I'm exhausted.
Days I'm emotional.
Days I'm irritable.
Days I'm overwhelmed by things that wouldn't have bothered me before.
And days when simply getting through everything required of me feels like an accomplishment.
It's okay to be less than perfect.
Perfect?
At this point, some days I'm just aiming for functioning. 😂
But beneath the humor, this has been a really difficult adjustment.
Because when you've spent decades measuring yourself by what you can accomplish, how well you care for everyone else, how organized you are, and how much you can handle...
Who are you when you suddenly can't do those things the same way anymore?
It's okay to do what's best for you.
What's best for me?
That's another question I'm still trying to answer.
For so many years, "what's best" meant what was best for my children.
My husband.
My family.
The girls' health.
Our finances.
Our businesses.
Everyone else.
Perimenopause has forced me to start asking a question I haven't always been comfortable asking:
What do I need?
Sometimes I still don't know the answer.
And then there's the last one...
It's okay to be yourself.
This one gets me.
Because some days I honestly wonder:
Who is that?
Who is Jennifer now?
That's the part of perimenopause I don't think we talk about enough.
Yes, there are physical changes.
The hot flashes.
The sleep issues.
The body changes.
The aches and pains.
The exhaustion.
But for me, some of the emotional changes have been much harder.
Not feeling like myself.
Changes in my personality and emotions.
Not being able to do things as easily as I once did.
Making mistakes doing simple tasks.
Needing lists for things I used to remember without thinking.
Feeling overwhelmed more easily.
Having days when I want to shut out the entire world because everything just feels like too much.
And grieving the version of myself who seemed capable of handling everything.
That's real.
I actually have this graphic printed out, and I try to read it regularly.
Not because I've mastered any of it.
Quite the opposite.
I need the reminder.
It's okay.
It's okay that I'm changing.
It's okay that some things are harder right now.
It's okay that I need more rest.
It's okay that I forget things.
It's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to have boundaries.
It's okay that I'm not doing everything the way 35-year-old Jennifer did it.
And I'm trying to remind myself of something else:
Jennifer is still in there somewhere.
Maybe she's changing.
Maybe she's learning what matters and what doesn't.
Maybe she's discovering that being needed by everyone isn't the same thing as knowing who she is.
Maybe this season isn't about finding my way back to the woman I used to be.
Maybe it's about getting to know the woman I'm becoming.
I don't know exactly who she'll be yet.
But I think I'm starting to like her.
She's learning to give herself grace.
She's learning to laugh when her brain completely abandons her halfway through a sentence.
She's learning that resting isn't laziness.
She's learning that asking for help isn't weakness.
She's learning that perfection was never really possible anyway.
And she's slowly learning that her value was never determined by how many plates she could keep spinning.
Every day of this season brings its own challenges.
Some days I handle them better than others.
But it's a challenge I'm up for.
And if you're somewhere in the middle of this crazy perimenopause journey wondering where the woman you used to know went...
She's still there.
Give her a little grace.
She's becoming someone new.
And maybe that's okay too.
Hot flashes & hallelujahs, ladies.
We're going to get through this. ❤️
— Jennifer