Over the last few posts, I've shared a little about who I am and some of the journey that brought me here.
But today isn't about yesterday.
It's about right now.
If you've followed me on Instagram or read my previous posts, you know our family has been living in travel trailers at the river for the past nine months. We've already talked about why we made that decision, so I'll save those details for another day.
Today, I want to talk about what's next.
Next week, we get the keys to our new rental home.
I'm thankful.
I really am.
After thirty-eight inquiries, countless disappointments, and wondering if we'd ever find a place, we finally have a house.
And yet...
If I'm being honest, this isn't the house I pictured. This isn't the house I want.
It has wonderful qualities.
No mold.
No carpet.
A fully gated property where the girls will be safe.
Those things matter more than I can explain.
But it also comes with challenges.
Long commutes for Jim, Blake, and longer for Justin.
A yard that needs more work than we know how to tackle.
An area that recently experienced wildfires.
And a rent payment that's nearly double what we were paying before.
As excited as I am to have a home again...
I'm also scared.
How will we afford it?
How will we continue paying for the girls' medical care?
Did we make the right decision?
Why not one of the other houses?
The ones closer to work.
Closer to church.
The one that a space to expand the flower shop.
The ones that seemed to make so much more sense.
These are the questions that keep circling through my mind.
People often tell me, "Just trust God."
And I do.
At least... I want to.
Looking back, it's easy to see His hand.
I can see where He provided exactly what we needed. (not always wanted)
I can see how He carried us through seasons I never thought we'd survive.
Yesterday's grace is easy to recognize.
It's tomorrow's grace that stretches my faith.
Because tomorrow hasn't happened yet.
I can't see what God is doing.
I don't know why He opened this door instead of another one.
I don't know why this house instead of the one I wanted.
Maybe someday I'll understand.
Maybe I won't.
But faith isn't believing because I understand.
Faith is choosing to trust even when I don't.
So today, I'm choosing to believe that God knows something I don't.
That this house isn't a mistake.
That He sees the commutes, the finances, the worries, and every "what if" running through my mind.
And if this is where He has led us...
Then His grace will be here too.
I don't have this faith thing all figured out.
Being "still" doesn't come naturally to me.
I'm still learning.
Still wrestling.
Still asking questions.
But I'm also learning that God's grace doesn't just meet me in yesterday's victories.
It meets me in today's uncertainty.
And I have to believe...
It will already be waiting for me tomorrow.
Grace carried me yesterday.
Grace will carry me tomorrow.
Thanks for walking this journey with me.
— Jennifer